God laughs

 

Monday, July 11, 2002, 11:35 A.M.

            I woke up at 3:47 A.M. and could NOT go back to sleep. It was 6:00 before I did and I woke up around 10:30. And immediately, I start being PISSED OFF about not being able to sleep, PISSED OFF that some of the things I wanted to get done today aren’t gonna get done.

            And so I start the day PISSED OFF.

            What wasn’t in there: God.

            And there is my ego again: me knowing better than God.

            Instead of being grateful that my morning was free and I COULD sleep until 10:00…pissed off.

            Instead of releasing myself to Nature (one of God’s principle pathways), insisting sleep come on MY schedule….

            Instead of accomplishing stuff (none of which, it must be mentioned, is all that important to begin with, in the grand scheme of things) as God wills, wanting to do it on MY fucking schedule….

            God laughs. He/She says, “Plan all you want, motherfucker. But I’m in charge here, so deal with it….

            “Oh, and by the way…but it sounds like you may be forgetting that you’re my child. I couldn’t really care less if you get a swim in or not today. I couldn’t really care less if Uber approves you as a driver or not. You are my child. I carry you in my arms.”

 

            Suddenly, the birds’ songs are clearer to me. The trees rustling with the wind are more calming. The clouds in the sky are prettier. The coffee to my right tastes…fucking delicious.

            Suddenly I’m not so pissed off. A little, maybe. But I’m human. Humans get pissed off.

            God laughs at this.

            Such is life near midday on Monday, July 11, 2002, the only one I’ll ever have.

            Fuckin' 'eh.

            Or, as others may say…

            Amen.