Trust

"Jesus directs our attention to holy food...because he wants us to break the cycle of worrying over the next meal, the next paycheck, the next set of bills...."

                                                                                  --James Neal

THIS.

It is quite possible that my latest bout with anxiety was conceived last summer, when a four week period of uncertainty hung over us, over whether Sonia would get unemployment, plus a huge personal loan to help with debts, plus an abundance of free time with which to worry, with, of course, a healthy dose of guilt thrown in. (Who would I be without guilt?) And it became very easy, addictive almost, to worry about all that. One could even argue that it was the right and responsible thing to do.

But now, a few months removed from the situation, I can see that I lost myself in an endless array of temporal affairs. I prayed, and I'm sure I prayed "right", but I didn't trust. I did not recognize my own powerlessness because I confused it with irresponsibility.

It's not hard to understand what happened (and, to a certain degree, continues to happen, although being at work helps.). Indeed, it would have been surprising had it NOT happened. Yet, what God wants us to do is to trust. Of course, God wants us to do all those things which are within our power, but, that being accomplished: TRUST.


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An image has popped into my head now and again over the course of this retreat. Me, fully grown but an infant. God, sometimes a man, sometimes a woman, holds me in the crook of their arm, held against their chest.

I am their child. I will abandon myself to Them. I will trust.