DES MOINES - Iowa Republicans at the Statehouse sent a strong signal today, letting the state know that they intended to do away with a system that, "while perfectly logical and cost effective, wasn't nearly ideological enough," according to Representative Bobby Kaufman.
The bills coming forward out of the Iowa Legislature, formerly known as House Study Bill 84 and Senate File 213, are expected to go to subcommittee tomorrow and be in outgoing Governor Terry Branstad's hands by early next week. The bills, should they become law, will essentially remove the rights unionized public employees enjoy under Chapter 20.
"Some Democrats will say that we are springing this on them and the public," said House Leader Linda Upmeyer. "But that is clearly not the case. We are going to have at least one open meeting, during regular business hours. We will probably do it like we did the Planned Parenthood thing, in which we gave around 800 people a total of thirty minutes to express their opinions before immediately moving it forward. I mean, we at least kind of pretended."
When reminded that most people protected by Chapter 20 work at that time, Upmeyer nodded.
"Yes, we are aware of that. And they better get used to it, because after this baby's passed next week, they won't have any input at all, in anything, ever again, and we'll have good little workers."
Bill Dix, leader of the Senate, seemed to agree with Upmeyer.
"Look, there are a lot of problems in this state right now, and the voters sent us to Des Moines to take care of them. We had far too many low income people getting passable medical care, so good old Terry privatized Medicaid. We've got people sick and tired of the sun being out at 9:00 during the evening, so we're working on Daylight Savings Time. We've got over 500 impaired waterways in the state, so we're taking money and power away from the DNR. We're...wait, what we were talking about?"
When reminded the topic was Chapter 20 and public unions, Dix continued, "Right. So Iowa has all these problems. And we decided that this system, the one that's been in place since 1973, instituted under broad bipartisan support, in which the state gets dedicated public servants in return for some stability and security, just had to go. If there's one thing Iowa doesn't need right now, it's a sound, reliable, cost effective system for providing public services."
Senate Minority Leader Rob Hogg was critical.
"Not one Republican in this state campaigned in 2016 about problems in public collective bargaining. Not one said, 'Teachers, nurses and county employees have too much power.' But now all of a sudden we gotta pass it, and we gotta pass it now. This is ALEC [American Legislative Exchange Council] at work. This has the Koch brothers' [Koch Industries' Charles and David] fingerprints all over it."
Upmeyer seemed to take offense at this.
"This [the Statehouse] is the people's house. We are doing the people's work. Iowa's work Just because these bills happen to follow exactly what my masters--I mean, Chuck and Davey--have outlined and implemented in other states and at ALEC conferences around the country, I mean, what's the big deal about that?"
Other Republicans were less diplomatic.
"Public unions, suck it up, buttercups. I don't get these people, wanting to negotiate things like health insurance, safety, basic working conditions. Look at private sector unions. We've been gutting the shit out of them for the last thirty years. And these whiny little bitches in the public sector think we should take carve out a special little Chapter 20 just for them? Workers, Jesus Christ. 'Safety, dignity, a fair wage.' Fuck 'em. Fuck 'em all."
At press time, Republican leaders were reportedly forming a study group to formally decide just how long a publicly employed nurse can stay on his or her feet before inadvertently putting too much painkiller in their patients' IV's.
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