First of all, my most deepest apologies to all seven people who actually read this blog and realized I hadn't written anything since October 1. I will make that excuse that just seems to work for everything: Life has been crazy. Seems to me whenever we don't see each other for whatever reason, either party can simply say "Life's been crazy", and everything is forgiven.
Everybody's life is crazy; I realize that. It's part of what makes these years magical. Two little kids, two full time jobs, two steps forward and one step back. I'm doing good just to go through a week and not have any cars stolen. My parents did it; their parents did it; and my boys will do it (should any woman, of course, accept them). Life.
*****
So. Weekends, especially since soccer season ended in October, have become a sacrosanct time in our household. We get caught up on eating, cleaning. And another wonderful development this fall: my boys have fallen in love with college football. Over the last few weeks, a routine has set up on Saturday mornings. The kids get up early (goddamn, do they get up early!) and play NCAA Football in preparation. If I'm on my game, I get to the gym before we settle in. 11:00 games, 2:30 games, 6:00 games, 7:00 games, 9:00 games, 10:30 games. Sonia gets fed up but she doesn't object to the bonding.
Niko hast taken an especially strong interest in the football endeavors of the University (if you can call it that) of Alabama. You see, Alabama is rated number 1 in the video game and Niko knows every single player on the team. He has learned to create himself as a player and plays several different positions. We hear ALL about EVERY game; every catch; every throw; every rush; every tackle. And we always find out who the Player of the Game is; he's especially thrilled if it's Niko Plum.The boy is in love.
Last week we settled in at 2:30 for the Iron Bowl. Auburn-Alabama. Number 4 vs. Number 1. Winner quite possible goes to the National Championship. I, of course, want Alabama to lose with every single bone in my body but don't want Niko to know this. The game is a wild one, with the wildest possible finish: Alabama goes for a last second field goal that would win the game. It's short. Auburn fields the kick, and returns it 108 yards for a touchdown with no time on the clock. Game over. I'm jubilant but can't express that in front of my child. So I rave about the play itself, the absolute craziness of it all. Niko watched the replays, forlorn. Five or ten minutes passed. Then he walked into the red room, not saying a word, found his mom, and began to cry.
*****
As special as all this has been to me, I have had a yearning for several weeks that, due to my caretaker responsibilities, has gone unfulfilled. Tradition dictates that I spend a few Saturdays each fall watching the game out with some buddies. Usually it's the Hawkeyes but not always; it doesn't particularly matter. It's the custom, the act of going out and having five games happen around you, the bullshitting about football and life. This weekend, Sonia finally said she felt good enough to have the boys, and me and the boys went out. Iowa's done, but there were several conference championships running, and plenty to see on TV: the last weekend of the college football dance. We ate, we talked about nothing. My God, did it feel good!!
As luck would have it, I ran into a friend of mine who said they were also getting together at another establishment, to celebrate the birthday of an ex-colleague of mine in the Department of Spanish. So, me and the guys moved our football watching to that bar, where I had the chance to reconnect with several friends from the Department WHILE watching football. Heaven, I tell you. It is a special feeling when you see these people, and they all miss you, and in some ways you feel light years removed but at the same time I feel like I could head straight back and draw syntactic trees until I became dizzy. In particular, I enjoyed the opportunity to talk with my friend celebrating her birthday; one of those people you're very close to and then POP, you change lives, and that's that. At least we agreed to get coffee in the near future...
In short, I needed tonight to remind me that I can still watch the ballgame, toss around the bullshit. I don't know if it's trying to "relive the glory days"; I'm not sure how glorious football games and Joes Place are, anyway. But I'm at that age where people do that, I suppose, and it's important.
*****
Around 10:30 tonight, I had a little time to myself, and I remarked to myself how late it was getting, while my college friends began to plan their next bar. They would be dancing. I would most definitely not be.
Around that time, Michigan State began to pull away from the Buckeyes in the Big Ten Championship. I remarked on this to my buddies and then realized I still needed to talk to someone else about it. But he was at home, in bed, sleeping. And I had that moment that I've had before, but somehow more acutely this time, the moment that all parents have from time to time, when suddenly that trip out to get your own space is interfering with something bigger, where YOUR space doesn't seem as important as OUR space.
*****
I've sworn up and down and back up again that I will never play that game, that guilt game that so many American parents seem to be plagued by, that absolute fear that any time devoted to themselves is somehow child-raising blasphemy, I know it is absolutely 100% healthy for Mom to have time for Mom, Dad to have time for Dad, Mom and Dad to have time for Mom and Dad. And it is healthy for the kids to see this, and recognize this.
And I did enjoy my time tonight. I'm glad I got to celebrate a birthday with a friend, even if (or especially if) I don't get to see her, hardly ever. And I'm glad I got to watch the game with my friends.
But it's one thing to say the words, and another thing to fully feel them. Tonight was great, but it wasn't perfect. Perfect would have been a five minute visit to Niko. "What a game, hey, buddy!! The Spartans got it done. What was your favorite part of the game? Who do you think the Player of the Game should have been?" And then I tuck him in, and kiss him goodnight, and transport myself back to Joes.
Impossible, I know. I sense many such situations in the future...
To Niko and Orlando, Wiley and Jeremy, Fernando y Emily, Anastasia y Asma, and of course Sonia, and all those who ride along with me in this life....
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